i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
love makes seman taste better
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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