the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
