I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
