That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
