overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
