She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
