youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
