did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
