guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're like the curious george of whores
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
its liver damage thursday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
