I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
