I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
