Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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