oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
