Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
