for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
