So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
