This girl is more easily done than said...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
