piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
