He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
