just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
