the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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