So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
