Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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