It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
