I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
