Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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