He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
