In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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