Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you would pick up someone in the library
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
