I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
