never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
