I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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