chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
