Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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