yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
