Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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