Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
