the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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