the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
