New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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