quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
