just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
