Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
