I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
