Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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