You're a womanizer and a bitch.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
