And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
