let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
