I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
