dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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