Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
